Well, are you? Rockett and I sure as hell are not. Like the rest of the Xbox 360 community we too were eager to get our hands on Halo 3 when it first launched. However somewhere along the way, the multiplayer failed to deliver the same experience which kept us on our couches for countless hours like Halo 2 did. Rockett and I were trying to figure out why we weren’t playing the sequel to one of the greatest online console games of all time.

For me personally, the biggest complaint I had was the weapons. Now I’ve always been fairly neutral on the subject of weapon imbalance. Of course I’m not in favor of some sort of game breaking gun in which the first team or player to get that gun takes the game. However it’s important to keep the weapons imbalanced so that a rocket launcher kills anything in 1 hit (aside from Unreal Tournament) and for the most part Halo 2 lived up to this. Halo 3 tried to take this concept of having different balanced weapons, but did it to the point that they all became boring to use and the online became boring as well. 2 rockets to kill a guy using splash damage that was pretty damn close? C’mon, that’s bullshit. Probably the worst addition or rather re-addition is the assault rifle. Speaking for THS, I have to say that this gun is shit and I have honestly no idea why it came back. It’s highly inaccurate, slow and weak. The only thing keeping it from being completely useless is that it can be used in tandem with the frag grenades. And that’s the other thing, because the other weapons are all scattered about and it takes time to find your go to weapon, you’re forced to use the AR. This results in an orgy of grenades and splash damage and you trying to figure out where the hell that grenade came from. Now that’s fine because that’s their nature, but having to do it because the AR is so terrible, now that’s just plain shitty.

Dual wielding was one of the great features of Halo 2. It got shafted big time in Halo 3. Why? Well let me present you with the dual wielders’ fairy tale:

Once upon a time there was this Halo 2 player named Michael. Michael loved to use the SMG and Plasma rifle combo. Oh how he loved to deplete the enemy’s shield with plasma and chew into the enemy’s health with the SMG. Then one day the bad men at Bungie took away his SMG as the default weapon. In place, they gave him the assault rifle. Michael smiled and simply said “that’s fine, I’ll just go search for an SMG and swap it.” Michael found an SMG and exclaimed “a ha!” As he went to pick it up he was shot in the head by a sniper. Tom found himself once again with the assault rifle and said “that’s fine, I’ll just go search for a Plasma rifle and swap it.” Michael found a Plasma rifle and exclaimed “eureka!” As he went to pick it up he was shot in the chest by a Spartan Laser. Michael respawned then curled up in a fetal position and drank anti-freeze until he was dead. The neighboors notified the police of a horrible stench coming from Michael’s apartment. The police then busted down the door and found Michael dead in the kitchen leaving behind a simple note written in black marker:

The moral of the story is: when you make a dual wielder have to search over half the fucking map for 2 specific guns you’ve taken a shit on dual wielders everywhere.

Bungie, I don’t hate your game. In fact I feel we could’ve been best friends had you not chosen to water Halo 3 down. Is there a good reason why virtually no publications put you in the running for Game of the Year for 2007? Probably not, but it’s the little ones that added up. For me, it’s just not as fun as Halo 2 online, it’s just…just…EARAGHHHHHHHH, THE ASSAULT RIFLE? WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?

End.