So it has come to my attention that Iceman, proud defender of such fruity games as Lumines and Rez, has decided to call out the undisputed king of Headshot Jacob P. Galvatron for playing FIFA 09. However, like Jesus, I knew this betrayal would come, thus I have not been caught ill-prepared. I present to the jury Exhibit A, Iceman’s documented expedition into a local CVS in which he purchased, without a second thought, the entire Gundam Wing VHS collection. Now Gundam Wing’s inherent homosexual undertones are well known throughout the community, and VHS has been obsolete for years. Would you take a guy who would buy such a gay series, on such a gay format, seriously? I didn’t think so.

Now I present Exhibit B, Iceman’s heritage. For those who didn’t know Iceman is half hispanic, and nothing is more popular among hispanics than soccer(well maybe tequila). This is akin to me hating on Iceman for playing Madden, or for ordering a 10pc bucket from Popeye’s, it just doesn’t make sense. He even refers to it as soccer, whereas any self respecting hispanic person will argue for days about how soccer is “the REAL football holmes” and American football should be called handball or some shit. Would you take the accusations of a man, who selfishly rejected his own culture(he doesn’t even bump reggaeton) seriously? I didn’t think so.

Now that I have effectively broken the feeble backbone of the FIFA-gate case like that mexican did to Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby, I will now address the plaintiff directly. Iceman, the Brute to my Caesar, the Judas to my Jesus Shuttlesworth, I am saddened that it had to come to this. Yet I am a forgiving king, and I am willing to look past this treachery and move forward with the Team Headshot movement because of our long, enduring friendship(and the fact that you pay for the server).

-JPG

Now, I normally embrace a variety of games, that’s just me. I’m open to a fairly wide variety of games, including games that some might call exotic. However my counterpart, JPG, is not so forgiving to such an attitude, “hating” on these sort of games. But I ask you the reader to look upon the topic image and, no, that is not photoshop. That’s right, the guy who hates on games like Rez HD, is playing FIFA, a soccer game.  Seriously? I mean really? Soccer? JPG, I’ve only been out of the Xbox 360 scene since Tuesday and you’ve already tarnished Team Headshot’s overgrown ego. Stay tuned to the site for a congressional style hearing on the matter.

On April 13th, at approximately 5:34 pm, “Tania”, my Xbox 360 passed away after more than 2 years of life. It had as good a death as any Xbox could ask for, freezing right in the midst of a heated battle in Call of Duty World at War on the map Makin. It will be survived by myself, JPG and the rest of the Headshot night crew, who will all no doubt find themselves struggling for 3 to 4 weeks before her brother “Notoriously F.A.T.” arrives.

Lets all take a moment of silence and reminisce on all the good times we’ve had together..

That picture has not been altered on any way and yes, I’m shocked too. SHOCKED. To think that a local CVS has been forced to put these precious, new Gundam Wing tapes in a 9 cent box at a clearance section. WIthin the box were 10 tapes of 2 different GW volumes, 5 each. These tapes were disgraced by being placed next to some clearly homoerotic movie called ‘Dirty Tennis’ and some animated series based on that Brendan Fraser abortion of a trilogy, the ‘Mummy.’ I picked up these poor souls and lovingly caressed them in my arms and checked them out at a paltry 96 cents plus tax. I actually felt a little guilty and after giving the cashier a dollar I told her to keep the remaining 4 cents because clearly CVS was on the losing end of this transaction. Though I no longer have a VCR in my home, the tapes are kept in a safe spot in my home and in a warm place in my heart. However, needless to say, my faith in mankind has been rocked to the core.

Please stand by in the comments for incoming antagonistic and down right asshole-like comments from JPG.

Published by: Capcom
Developed by: Capcom
Score: 80

It’s 2009 and yet another Resident Evil is upon us. What’s that you say? It’s not a remake or port of Resident Evil 4? OH. MAH. GAWRD. Ah, so we have Resident Evil 5, the newest installment in the once scary-but-now-not-so-much horror series. The changes brought from RE4, which have made it be considered one of the best games of all time, have of course remained in RE5. While some have been quick to criticize, I’ve been of the opinion that for the most part, RE5 has managed to take what was loved from RE4 and build upon it.